What with the goings on over the weekend in Abbottabad a few news items got lost in the shuffle. (BTW, wouldn’t it be rich if they had a sister city named Costellobad?) One item was Donald Trump’s reaction to the release of Obama’s long form birth certificate, something he had been urging for weeks.
The Donald has been in the news a lot lately. On Monday he famously dissed stutterers. The week before he declared on the Today Show that Forbes had well underestimated his net worth with their puny figure of $2.3 billion. He promised that if he runs for president he will release his actual net worth numbers and “the American people will be quite impressed.”
I gotta tell ya, he already had me at 2.3 billion. Wouldn’t having enough dough to buy the state of Rhode Island be enough to impress anyone, even the girls that turned him down for the high school prom? Apparently for The Donald that number isn’t high enough. For an obviously successful man I wondered why he has to constantly impress others to the point that he feels the need to engage in one-upmanship with himself.
I mean his whole persona, the comb over dyed in a color listed as Boehner Orange Mist, the succession of ever younger wives with ever larger boobs, the whole Richie Rich lifestyle, the really, really tall buildings: what shortfall is he trying to compensate for?
Then Obama released his long-form birth certificate. Not satisfied with the president’s release, Trump felt the need to overcompensate again. At a press conference on Tuesday, Trump declared that his investigators had taken a look at the birth certificate in order to verify it. They measured it and found it somewhat wanting at a mere 5 1/2 inches long, in the normal range for an American male (so they tell me) but somehow not up to Trump’s own personal standards. At that news Trump harrumphed with glee, “You call that a long-form?” He then brandished his own document that had been issued by Flushing General Hospital in Queens. Trump proudly declared that his birth certificate measured a more robust 6 inches.
“As you can see,” Trump declared, “I am more than qualified to become president and the American people should be extremely grateful if I decide to run.” There was no immediate reaction from Barack Obama as he was too busy handling matters in the aftermath of the killing of Osama bin Laden and other presidential type stuff.